Craigslist is for Lovers… and Artists

Admit it, you’ve checked out Craigslist’s Missed Connections section on occasion. Maybe you thought/hoped that cute guy on the 1 train noticed you too or the hot girl at the bar last night was disappointed you never made your move. Or maybe you’re like me (i.e. married) and you’re just curious for the entertainment value. I mean, there are some strange little dramas on there and a lot is left to the imagination, right?

Hit Play Before I Rape You or Eat You or Something

I’ve never actually watched Millionaire Matchmaker, but if this spoof is at all accurate, I think I should start. And is it just me or does she sound just like Debi Mazar?

(For more like this, go here. “The Terminator Loves John Connor” is another favorite.)

The Best Things in Life are Free

Who doesn’t love a good bouncy ride? Even better: a free one from someone dressed in a dolphin costume! Chances are, it’s been a while. And it’s not as though anyone else is offering. None of your relatives are up for the challenge anymore (in fact that window closed a few decades and 100+ pounds ago) and your significant other would just look at you like you’re crazy (or find it kinky).

Even Porn is Green Now

Nature is dirty.  Not in the rugged, outdoorsy way, but in the animals humping each other way. If you’re the type who DVRs nature shows and then fast forwards to the mating scenes (no judgments), the Sundance Channel has a better option for you – Green Porno.

This season (#2) focuses on sexy creatures under the sea, including the female whale who wants to see the boys fight over her, the hermaphrodite limpet who lines up to take its turn being the bottom, and the hideous anglerfish who does it with her light on and treats her little man like he’s a portable sperm bank.  Kinky, I know.

And who better to perform these animal sex acts than the lovely Isabella Rossellini.  She dons all manner of ridiculous costumes to educate us in the ways of seduction… animal seduction.  My favorite is the whale costume:

If you think that’s hot, wait until she turns around (watch the video for her… um… Moby Dick).

I Wanna Dip My Matzo Balls In It

Enjoy your matzo and Cadbury Creme Eggs!

Babes in Manland

Objectifying women is bad.  Objectifying men?  Well, a little payback can’t hurt.  Babe City Babes is a site devoted to photos of hot guys just being… well… hot.  I mean really, how can you resist a site with a naked Burt Reynolds sprawled out on a bear skin rug tiled across the background? And really, it’s all in the name of research:

The man babe is a very complex and fascinating creature. From ongoing and intensive ethnographic research on the species, we present to you a compendium of our detailed studies and stunning findings.

Every Family’s Got One

Hairy Uncle Louie, bug-eyed Aunt Sally, buck-toothed cousin Murray.  Ok, so maybe they’re not blue and 7 feet tall, but you know you’ve got at least one black sheep in the family (or maybe it’s you).  Well, artist Relleno De Mono takes vintage family photos and adds those weird relatives wherever they’re missing.

New Math = Math – Numbers + Funny

Most of the math I’ve learned is buried deep in my brain collecting dust.  Luckily, Craig Damrauer’s New Math doesn’t require much more than a 5th grader’s understanding of the subject.  And as long as you’re literate and have a sense of humor, you’ll have no problem.  The equation above is just one of many on the site and a new one is added every Monday.

All Those Mushrooms Finally Make Sense

I don’t know what the kids are listening to these days, but if they’re listening to this, I doubt they can appreciate the awesomeness of this video.  I mean, they’re probably laughing at the pixeliness (yes, I probably invented this word) and wondering who the hell Link and Megaman are (they’ve GOT to know Mario and Princess Toadstool, right?).

Four-Year-Olds are Assholes

Generally, an artist’s toughest critic is him- or herself.  Not so for Bill Zeman.  His four-year-old is consistently ripping him a new one.  She tells him what to draw, he draws it, she tears it to shreds (or more often, erases it completely).  And Zeman posts it all on his blog, Tiny Art Director. My favorite critique has got to be

You just don’t draw so well. Why do you think that is? It turns out that I’m the good draw-er. It turns out that you’re the art director.

Or maybe “It’s dumb Daddy. You should erase it. Grow up Daddy.”